Friday 10 August 2012

Dear Future Me...

Today as I walked to the train station I thought about writing a letter to my future self, in say, 50 years time. I thought about questions I would ask myself now and what those answers would reveal to my future self, but also what insight they would give to my present state of mind...

- What is the one word you use most often to describe yourself to others? In seemingly passing conversation, do you refer to yourself as "silly", "lazy", "pudgy", "not as good as"... or do you describe yourself as "awake", "energetic", "considerate", "beautiful"...

- What's the first thing you think of when you wake up? The very first instinct when you get out of bed? Do you check in with yourself and calibrate or just rush ahead and go?

- When you step out of the shower, do you look in the mirror at yourself? Do you like what you see?

- What is the one thing you do for yourself that makes you feel grounded and connected to life and everyone in it? When was the last time you did that?

- How often do you physically touch another person? What is your first reaction to when someone hugs you?

- What part of yourself do you try to cover up? Why? No, seriously and honestly, why? What are you afraid of that part showing to the world?

- When was the last time you cried?

- Do you try to emulate a vision of someone else in your own self?

- How does the word 'freedom' make you feel? Is it far away or at your fingertips?

- When was the last time you switched your phone off?

All of these questions, when answered honestly, showed in clear light for me how I was seeing myself at the current moment. Of course they are ever changing, as we are ever changing, but right now what was highlighted for me was my 'self talk'. Why was the first instinct to myself a negative one? When did I step over the fence from love and acceptance of myself into harsh judgement and unreal assumptions?
What am I gaining by feeding these 'not good enough' thoughts into my mind, body, and spirit? Do I realise the impact and consequences having these thoughts has on me and my relationships with others?
So today I will write out some mantras, some words, to remind myself to LOVE above all else. And hopefully I don't have to wait until I'm 80 to see the truth of beauty and love in this life!

A little side note: After writing this post earlier today I was discussing it with a near and dear friend who offered me an alternative view, a pearl of wisdom, and pulled me out of my rabbit hole (isn't that what friends are for?), which was: Why not stop questioning why I am continuously questioning myself  and simply let myself 'be' in the space I am in right now at this very moment. If I am searching to be the best person I can be and eliminate all negative thought forms surely that begins with simply letting go of the why and how and just accepting me now. No questions asked =) Hehe!

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